My Life's Obsessions - #1

I'm going to be honest with you. I am a fairly easy convert to any ideology that doesn't involve weird blood sacrifices or chanting. I'm a fickle follower, flitting quickly between my beliefs and goals. The odd thing is, I always feel completely serious about them for the first few weeks or months. But I inevitably lose interest at some stage, no matter how sure I was that it was the only way of life I could follow. The sad truth is that I am living Mason Cooley's statement that the only cure for obsession is to "get another one".

To prove my point, and to attempt to prevent others from following my slippery slope, I'm posting a (long) list of my teenage fixations, in chronological order. Proceed with caution.

Obsession # 1 - Popularity

image from intelligent designs media

I'd be more embarrassed by this if I wasn't completely certain that everyone in the world has desired that feeling of acceptance at least once in their lives. From the age of about eleven or twelve, right up until I was fifteen, I craved popularity. Of course, this particular obsession stemmed from the fact that I really, really wasn't. Popular, that is.

I had no close friends. None. Count them.

I sort of clung onto this one group of girls in school, when I could. I had joined them when we started secondary school, and we were held together by nothing more than the fact that we sat behind each other on that first day in class. I think everyone in the group was longing for something more, but was too worried about the repercussions of leaving. Tensions, therefore, tended to be high.

I don't really blame the group for not taking to me. When I look back now, I can see what an annoying twerp I was at the time. My shyness meant that I pretty much never talked, and came across as this clingy, silent little mouse. I wasn't even a nice person. In a bid to improve my social status I gratefully bitched about the one girl in the posse less popular than me. Couple these factors with an on-going Cold War I had with a different girl, and I'm not really all that surprised any more that I spent plenty of lunchtimes in the bathroom, hiding my humiliating isolation from the rest of the world. 

At the time, achieving popularity was the most important thing I could imagine. I read articles, and wikihows that told me to "be myself". I wore gloopy make-up that didn't suit me, and bought bags and bags of fashionable clothes which made me feel even more uncomfortable and insecure about my body when I wore them. I spent hours watching popular TV shows at night so that I could have topics discuss with the group the next day. I literally did everything with the motive of becoming a popular person. 

And the result? Nothing. The truth was, there was absolutely nothing I could do to make these girls like me. We were different people, with different personalities, and unfortunately they just didn't match together the way that popcorn and chocolate do. It took me three years (until I was fifteen) for me to accept this and finally give up on them.

Picture from linkbuilding.net

I still didn't really give up on popularity, though it was placed on the back-burner as Obsession #2 took hold. It took until midway through Transition Year - a non-academic school year which focuses on maturing and developing life and personal skills - for me to finally relinquish my craving for acceptance. You see, at that point, my craving was actually sated. I had made a group of new friends whom I liked and trusted, and who liked and trusted me. We had the same interests and beliefs, and felt comfortable around each other. Indeed, we still do.

There were some beneficial results from my quest to attain popularity. I read many how-to books then, and some, such as Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, have truly helped me to improve myself. They have taught me how to be a good person, an engaged listener and a tireless helper. My need for designer clothes and what-have-yous also helped me to become very efficient at managing my finances, and even today I don't fritter away my money on silly little things.

However, mostly my obsession bordered on unhealthy. I hid any non-conforming aspect of my personality, I put down others in my bid to get ahead, and I based my whole sense of self-worth on the estimations of a group of girls with whom I had absolutely nothing in common.

Now, with hindsight, and with a real sense of belonging, I can see that all I really wanted was to be liked. Not to be the most popular person, not the ringleader, not the queen bee. Once I had what I really desired, any further aspirations to move up the social ladder evaporated away.

If you, too, desire popularity, I guess all I can say is life will get better. Don't set your aspirations too high. Don't attempt to "rule the school" or workplace or wherever. Drop any "toxic friends" who make your life worse - you don't have to make a big scene or whatever, just quietly move away from them.Try and find a couple of nice people with whom you feel comfortable and are able to talk. Be friendly, be a good listener, remember people's names. Good luck!

6 Books Which Changed My Life

I am a voracious reader. Like the little princess, I prefer to "gobble" my books rather than simply read them. I love my kindle, but it keeps breaking, I don't know if it runs out of steam or something. Anyway.
I get pleasure from reading pretty much any book, but these particular ones have stayed in my mind for the immense value I have attained from them:

 
• Don't Eat This Book, by Morgan Spurlock
  This book is the world's best appetite suppressant. It's written by the guy who made the Super Size Me documentary, and it's all about the evils of fast food companies. I basically read it any time I want to stop eating junk food for a while, because I get riled up about all the ways these companies are screwing us over, and a magical thing happens. I just don't want to eat the stuff they make any more! Now, the effect wears off after a couple of weeks, but all the same, it is a very rare accomplishment, so Mr Spurlock, I salute you.

• 
  How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie
  I realise, this book takes a lot of flak now for being old-fashioned, but when I read it as a painfully insecure fourteen year old, the kindly language no-nonsense tips truly aided me in improving my self-confidence and social skills. In my opinion, the author does not encourage you to be fake or manipulative, as some critics believe. Rather, he simply impresses upon you the importance of making others feel important, and always listening to what people have to say.

• Minimalism: Essential Essays, by Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus
  I received a free electronic copy of this through an offer on the authors' website (the offer is unfortunately closed - sorry guys!). It is a short collection of essays with a powerful and inspiring idea at its core. I have only recently discovered minimalism through Ryan and Joshua's website, but I am becoming increasingly convinced that it may be the solution to my organisational/untidiness problems. Although I obtained immense value from these articles, I wouldn't bother paying for the book as the articles can all be found free of charge on The Minimalists.

 
• The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch
  Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams. That was the title of Randy Pausch's last ever lecture. A computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon University, Pausch was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and died at the age of 47. But during in the short time before he died, he gave a truly inspiring lecture to his students, and later to people around the world. His lecture was not about dying. It was about living life to the fullest possible degree. This book made me so grateful for what I have, and so determined to achieve my goals.

 

Life As We Knew It, by Susan Pfeffer
Ok, moving on to works of fiction now. The story is about the terrible ramifications which occur when an asteroid hits the moon, and is told from the perspective of a teenage girl. Every time I read it, I get completely sucked in, and begin mentally listing all the emergency supplies I need to stockpile in the event of Armageddon. This book changed my life, though, because it introduced me to the wonderful world of science fiction.   Without it, I might never have moved on to gems such as The Day of The Triffids, Ender's Game, The Handmaid's Tale, or Jurassic Park (YES IT'S A BOOK. By the guy who created ER. FEEL FREE TO FREAK OUT NOW).

• Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen
  Again, this book was a gateway for me, this time into the world of classical literature. I started it on a rainy day when I was home from school with the flu, and figured I might as well read something worthwhile. I'm ashamed to admit I didn't realise how good it was going to be. That's the thing I've discovered about classics - they have lasted such a long time because they are actually brilliant stories. I was amazed by how teenage-y both this book and others like Jane Eyre are. The plots are fast paced, - it only took two days to read it - dramatic, and written with expert skill.
  
  
  So there you have it. They were life changing for me at any rate! Enjoy! (And sorry, the bullet points kind of messed up the layout, but what can you do?)
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I'm rich, dammit

I have thirty euro in coins at home.

Is that weird? Basically what I've been doing for a while is throwing any change I have into this old nutella jar, and it gradually built up into this monstrous pile. So I counted it, and I'm rich! Sort of.

My fortune

The only problem is I can't really use it that easily. I mean, I can use up the twenty cents and ten cents fairly quickly, but I feel really embarrassed handing a big pile of coppers over to the cashier. You can just see their expression as they count it up. I'm a fairly confident person, but still, I feel really guilty for making their work harder. Anyway, I guess I'll just have to suck it up, there's no way I can allow myself to leave that much money unspent. I don't want to end up like my old neighbour, who used to get charity handouts and meals-on-wheels all the time, and then when he died it turned out he had thousands of euro hidden all over the house.

Other than that, I don't really have much news at the moment. I'm so glad to be getting holidays in a month's time. I feel really stretched at the moment, like "butter spread over too much bread", to quote Bilbo Baggins. Unfortunately, I will be getting summer tests, so I guess I'd better crack open the books pretty soon. Eugh. Right now, I just want to sleep for a month. 'Night.

The Art of Organisation (or: Why All Of Those Little Gummed Sheets Of Yellow Paper May Not Be Such A Good Idea)

Behold Ladies and Gentlemen! Behold my master organisational plan!

After many years of coming up with elaborate plans which involved any or all of the following:

• Sub-folders
• Flashcards
• Colour Coding
• Academic Diaries

I have finally come to the realisation that these things never have, never do, and never will work for me. I can't deal with all those little bits of paper, and having loads of copies and notepads just means I end up taking the wrong ones with me to class all the time.

So, to get organised once and for all, I have (ingeniously, I might add) decided to embrace my lack of organisational skills, and make the simplest plan of all my years as a scholar. I normally get excited by big and complicated plans for like five minutes, then give up on them. This time, however, it is a non-flashy, long lasting organisational strategy. And I am going to make it work!

The Plan

1. Work Copies: I have cut down my countless refill pads and exercise books to just one copy for maths, and one copy for everything else. See how that works? Now if I keep just those two copies in my bag at all times, I will have all of the work I need for any class. Both of the copies are spiral bound, so I can easily tear out homework that needs to be handed up and file it later. The reason I have a separate copy for maths is because I tend to use up paper pretty quickly when I'm solving problems, and I didn't want to lose my other subjects in a sea of algebra.
2. Notebooks instead of Flashcards: I'm trying to cut down on the number of notes I take anyway, and there is nothing worse than repeatedly watching your carefully stacked tower of flashcards tumble to the ground. Now I just keep a couple of notebooks for the subjects that really need them, like English and History. Also, I'm converting lots of my notes to my laptop on Microsoft Word or Excel to get rid of even more paper!
3. Nothing on my Desk: Zilch, zip, nada. The desk in my room is now completely free of all paper, post-its, everything. I have a small shelf beside it in which I keep a few writing implements, and things like glue-stick and scissors, but my desk is clear. You see, in my personal experience, if I leave anything on my desk it magically multiplies until you can no longer see the formica beneath it. Now, I just put what I need on the desk when I need it, and clear it away afterwards. My desk isn't quite as cool as this guy's, but it is at least functional since I have adopted this rule.
4. Just Learning the Damn Thing: Forget mindmaps, forget colouring in your revision timetable, forget walking around with flashcards in your jeans pocket pretending that you're actually going to use them. I have definitely rediscovered the immense benefits that come from just sitting down and learning what you need to learn as quickly as possible. All those finicky extras just make me want to procrastinate and not devote my whole concentration to the task. The only revision aids I use now really are mnemonics, which do actually help me (think My Poor Father Punched Alex for Monera Protista Fungi Plantae and Animalae, or Every Good Boy Deserves Football for the lines of the treble clef).

Anyway, I guess looking back over it, it's probably just common sense, but I have certainly benefited from it. It works for me, at least, so give it a try and tell me how it goes!

Musings and Music (see what I did there?)

In an stupendous feat of brilliance, my room has remained tidy for the last three weeks now. This is coming from a girl for whom "tidying" used to mean a three day fumigation process. I am really quite proud of myself, in case you didn't realise.

Part of it, of course, was the whole "no new clothes" thing. Instead of just constantly moving onto new things, I was able to focus on finding out which of the things I own look the best on me. I was recently able to gather up four full bags of clothes and accessories I no longer wear, and in the summer when I have time I want to catalogue my full wardrobe, and maybe get rid of even more if I can.

On the downside, I'm not so great at sewing, and during an overly-ambitious squat routine a few weeks ago I managed to split my school tracksuit bottoms. There's a big hole down the back now, and I've been wearing my jumper tied around my waist to hide it (The lining is intact so it's a little camouflaged anyway). Still, it wasn't one of my finer moments.... At least it's only four weeks till the holidays.

For my piano exam I'm learning Allegro Moderato by John Field. I do like it, and at least the timing isn't, ahem, quirky, like some of my previous pieces. It's just... the guy had big fricken' hands, dude! My left hand is always in spasms after practising. Field seemed to think that your street cred as a musician is measured in the amount of notes your hands can reach past the octave. Well, maybe it is, but all I know is my hands are in total agony right now, so I don't care how cool I am.

I would like to learn this song over the summer:

I really like the way it sounds all flowy and reflective, and hopefully this Yiruma's hands aren't quite so humongous. We'll see.

Um, Hi, Hello there

My very first blog post... a historic moment, no doubt. I'm Ruth, by the way. I'm 17 and I live deep in the countryside, with absolutely nobody my age. This might be a good thing though - as Steven Wright once said, "hermits have no peer pressure", and the isolation limits the potential for my many faux pas to actually be seen by people.

I guess I want to start this to organise and motivate myself. I'm usually better at achieving my aims if I have told people about them first, and using a blog means I don't have to bother my family with my latest (and generally short-lived) crazes.

This year was the first time I didn't have any resolutions about losing weight or looking pretty or acting cool. I think I finally grew up last year - I realised I actually have all the important things I need life. So, my goals have become more specific.

• Do not buy any clothes for a year. (I started this in mid-January after reading this article, but I'm going soft-core and allowing myself to buy socks and underwear.)
• Itemise the clothes I already have in my wardrobe
• Participate in NaNoWriMo
• Write 5 decent short stories (one down, four to go...)
• Actually stick to keeping a diary (so far so good, though it may get harder with keeping this blog as well)
• Pull an all-nighter during the summer holidays (a silly, but important childhood dream that I really must fulfil)
• Get my Grade 8 Associated Board piano course finished before the end of the year.

That is about it for the moment, though I keep making new goals and crossing off old ones. I have a page in my diary where I write them all down, and I have already had the pleasure of ticking off finishing my grade 8 RIAM piano course, and reading my first Dickens novel (Great Expectations, in case you were wondering).

Now that the goals I make are more precise, I can actually hope to achieve them. I realise they are small-time aims, and playing piano or whatever isn't exactly going to change the world, but I think overtime they may change me. Forcing myself to do something with my life will have to make me into a better person, after all. And I like making goals and plans, anyway. Achieving them makes me happy, and this high causes me to create more goals, repeating the wonderful cycle, and as far as I can tell, there is nothing wrong with that. 

So, thanks for reading, and follow or comment me if you want to see how I progress on my missions. I hope to post as regularly as I can.